Shedding the Stickers and Reclaiming Connection to Source ☀️

✨ A note before we begin:

If you’ve been following along, you’ll know I’ve been sharing this blog chronologically with Chapter 1. But today’s post breaks that pattern. I’m skipping ahead—because my journey, like most healing, isn’t linear. I promised myself I’d write from wherever the truth is bubbling up each day. And today, that truth belongs in Chapter 5—where we explore the themes of intuition, higher self, and remembering who you really are beneath the noise.

---

This morning, I didn’t know what I was going to write about.

But as I stepped out of my apartment, a phrase landed in my awareness—almost like it was spoken aloud:

“We are God’s chosen children.”

I paused. That sounds kinda culty to me now, like what I heard in church as a kid.

Was that meant for everyone? Or just for me today?

The answer, I think, is both.

And that phrase unlocked a memory.

A book.

A message.

A childhood truth that I once knew in my bones—before I forgot.

📖 The Book That Knew Before I Did

When I was a child, my parents gave me a book called You Are Special by Max Lucado. If you grew up in a Christian home, you might know it—it was sold at Koorong, the Christian bookstore, and we used to read it together often.

I remembered the premise, but not the full depth of the story until today.

In this world, everyone is made of wood. Little carved people walking around giving each other stickers—gold stars if they’re clever, talented, beautiful. Grey dots if they’re clumsy, awkward, flawed.

The main character, Punchinello, ends up covered in grey dots. He starts to believe he’s not good enough.

Until he meets someone different.

A wooden girl who has no stickers at all—none good, none bad.

He asks how that’s possible, and she tells him: The stickers only stick if you believe they should.

She sends him to visit the carpenter on the hill—the God figure of the story. And the carpenter tells him the truth:

“You are special. Not because of what you can do. But because I made you. And I don’t make mistakes.”

Over time, as Punchinello starts to believe this again, the grey dots begin to fall off.

🩶 The Dots I Inherited

I’ve always loved that story. As a kid, I got it. I felt it. I believed it.

But somewhere along the way, I stopped.

What hurts the most now is realising why I loved it so much back then—because I already needed it.

I carried a few labels I didn’t choose—some of which I didn’t even understand at the time.

And while I’ve been lucky to feel accepted in adulthood, those early experiences still shaped how I saw myself, and how I learned to see others.

It made me more empathetic to anyone who’s ever felt “othered” for simply being who they are.

And here’s the part that’s hard to untangle:

My parents gave me that book because they knew, deep down, I needed it.

But my family were also the ones handing out a lot of my grey stickers.

I don’t want to paint a picture that I had a hard childhood or parents that didn't love me, however I can’t say it was all perfect either. No one’s family is and nobody comes out of childhood without some scars.

I got told I was a “naughty” child from a young age.

They made me get on my knees and pray to God to turn my “naughty switch” off.

And when I did, they said it worked.

I stopped getting in trouble.

But something else happened too—something deeper, something quieter:

A part of me shut down.

I wasn’t being bad. I was a literal child, but I had adult expectations placed on me.

When parents haven’t got the tools to regulate their own emotions and nervous systems, they can pass that pressure down to their kids.

Sometimes they would hit me with a wooden spoon or smack me when they got overwhelmed.

Sometimes I was thrown outside and locked out of the house for a while when they didn’t know what to do with me.

It was confusing—because I was being told I was loved… but punished for existing as I was.

Now I realise—what that switch actually turned off wasn’t my behaviour.

It was my emotions. My mind’s full connection to my body and nervous system.

I learned that it was safer not to show any strong emotions—good or bad.

That if I did feel something, I’d be met with anger. Punishment.

The most painful part of this dynamic is how it leaves you completely alone with it.

In children, this confusion often embeds itself deep into the nervous system—shame, guilt, a sense of being unworthy of love. And we carry it with us.

We don’t easily recognise this as an obvious form of trauma or neglect, many people never question it or see how it has affected their lives.

The coping mechanisms that helped us survive childhood don’t just disappear. They follow us into adulthood, where they quietly wreak havoc.

You start spotting them once the pattern reveals itself—self-sabotage, addictions, hyper-independence, insecurity. And the most obvious? Repeating the same relationship dynamics over and over, never quite learning the lesson.

That moment, I think, was the beginning of my mind and body disconnecting in a deep way.

Sure, I stopped getting upset. I stopped getting in trouble.

But I also stopped feeling—properly.

I went years without crying. Even when I wanted to.

Even in grief, even when I knew something needed to be released—I just… couldn’t.

I remember thinking maybe I was broken. Or robotic. Like something vital inside me had shut down and no one else could see it.

Eventually, that numbness fermented. First into depression. Then anxiety. And in my lowest, most isolated moments—something darker.

At the time, I didn’t realise they were all signals. A cry for help from my inner child. Suppressed emotions my body was still holding onto, even though my mind had locked the door.

And I know I’m not alone in this.

So many people—especially men—learn early that emotions are dangerous. That they make us weak. Bad. Unloveable. Othered.

In my case, I turned inward. I blamed myself, deeply and subconsciously.

But others project outward—sometimes in subtle jabs, sometimes in violence or control.

Because if you can “other” someone else… then maybe you can’t be “othered.”

I still see these patterns play out in people I love. In passing comments. In defensiveness. In the invisible grip of stigma.

That’s the insidious part: these systems of emotional suppression keep reinforcing themselves. Quietly. Culturally. Generationally. What people often forget is that patriarchal structures negatively effect men too.

But here’s the good news: once you see it, you can disrupt it.

That’s one of the hardest parts of the spiritual path—it turns the mirror back on you. You realise the work doesn’t begin with the world.

It begins within.

And the moment you spiral inward—🌀

That’s when the alchemy begins.

💡”That was heavy Nick!”

I have just the remedy for you! Have you ever consciously met your inner child? What would you say to them if they were here with you now? See my post on coming home to your inner child for a deliberate way you can start to heal.

🌀 Coming Full Circle

I’ve asked my mum about that book before. Tried to remember what it was called.

It’s popped into my mind a few times over the years, but I never really revisited it.

Until today.

While journalling, the memory came back—and this time, it landed. The realisation clicked into place, not just as a passing thought, but as something I could finally integrate. Something I could share.

And now I see it for what it really is:

A story that planted a seed.

A truth I wasn’t ready to fully understand—until now.

I am not here to collect stickers—gold or grey.

I am not here to earn my worth.

I am not here to perform goodness or seek approval or “fix” my flaws to be loved.

I was never naughty.

I was never broken.

I was never wrong.

I just needed to come home—to my light, my voice, and my purpose on this Earth.

And now that I’m here, I can help others do the same.

It’s taken time to reach this point. A lot of journalling, psychology and counselling sessions, and many deep, vulnerable conversations with friends and family.

Most importantly, it’s taken learning how to feel again—not just think.

Because healing doesn’t happen through insight alone.

It’s not over until your nervous system says it’s over.

This process asked me to look back. Into my childhood. Into my body. Into the unconscious patterns and protective behaviours I couldn’t explain at the time.

But I’m so glad I did.

Because now I understand myself in a way I never imagined possible.

And I say that as someone who already thought I was pretty in touch with myself.

🕊️ Why I Started This Blog

This is why I’m writing these posts.

Not because I have it all figured out—but because I remember now.

And I want you to remember too.

I have not considered myself religious for a long time but recently I’m realising that there is a lot more we can get out of reconnecting with our spirituality, whatever that means to us today. Even if you were never raised with any religion.

None of us need to follow a specific religious dogma to have a connection with a higher power.

Though there is no judgement here either if you do practice a particular religion.

If you don’t consider yourself religious or spiritual in any way, think of your moral compass. That deep knowing when something is right or wrong for you - tap into that feeling and start asking questions. If you can quiet your mind enough, you might start hearing some new answers.

Meditation and mindfulness help you reconnect with this inner stillness and knowing.

I’m learning to trust this sense of a higher purpose again, even if it’s just “what would my higher self do”… WWMHSD?

I want to help others peel off the stickers they’ve been carrying for years—maybe their whole life.

To realise those labels were never theirs to begin with.

To come back to their own inner knowing.

To feel good again.

And to know they were never bad.

Even the most loving parents can leave scars.

And even when we’re scarred, we’re still whole.

I wouldn’t change any of what’s happened in my life—because it brought me here.

But I also won’t pretend all of it was right and fair.

That’s the work. That’s the alchemy.

And that’s the path I’m walking.

Thanks for walking it with me.

✍️ Journaling Prompts (If You’re Ready)

• What “grey dots” are you still carrying that were never yours to begin with?

• Are there any gold stars you cling to for wrong reasons?

• What part of you did you shut down to be accepted or “good enough”?

• What truth(s) are you ready to remember now?

🎙️ Can you relate to any parts of this story?

Feel like you’re all covered in stickers?

Raised in a religious household?

Never felt a connection to a higher power before?

Share with our collective below in the comments 👇