Returning Home: Your Inner Child Is Still In There 🛋️

And they will fight to be heard, whether we acknowledge them or not…

Have you ever found yourself spiralling into a ridiculous argument with a sibling or childhood friend—only to realise, afterwards, how absurd and reactive you were being? That moment of shame or reflection that creeps in… “How did I let myself fall back into that pattern again?”

Being around old emotional environments (like family or childhood homes) can cause us to unconsciously revert to younger versions of ourselves—because that’s who once had to survive there.

It’s such a normal experience—and there's a reason for it. In psychology, this is called 'state-dependent memory' and 'regression'.

So when you argue like you’re twelve again, it’s not actually you now—it’s the inner child who never got to speak back then. The part of you who wasn’t heard, loved, validated. The part that had to shrink, mask, perform, or stay quiet to avoid rejection or punishment.

In these moments, our inner child doesn’t just whisper. They burst through the surface—body, voice, actions and all—demanding to be seen.

You Don’t Need to Fix the Past—Just Acknowledge It

There’s nothing in the past to ‘fix’. Your inner child doesn’t need fixing. They need acknowledgment. Witnessing. Presence.

They want to be seen, heard, and loved—not for who they were told to be, but for who they were all along.

Inner child work is a foundational part of healing, especially if you’ve never consciously reconnected before. Later in the book, we’ll go deeper—but if this is resonating with you now, don’t wait.

If you already work with a therapist, bring this up in session. If you don’t (or can’t right now), know that you can still begin. There are so many exercises online and even prompts you can ask an AI like ChatGPT:

“I want to connect with and reparent my inner child—where do I start?”

When you feel that old wound rising again, try pausing and asking: Am I responding from fear, or from love? Your inner child doesn’t need discipline—they need tenderness. And love, not fear, is the medicine.

If you’re a parent yourself—or help care for young kids—you might’ve come across the term Gentle Parenting. At its core, it’s about responding with empathy, respect, and patience. But what many don’t realise is that this approach can also stir something deep within us.

That’s because gentle parenting doesn’t just model how to raise children—it mirrors how we wish we had been raised. It’s essentially a form of gentle re-parenting, and when we witness it, especially in real-time, it can sometimes be unexpectedly triggering.

Our nervous systems are shaped by early interactions. The way we were spoken to, soothed (or not soothed), disciplined, or dismissed—it all leaves an imprint. So watching someone calmly meet a child’s emotional needs might not just be beautiful—it might also awaken our own inner child’s grief.

This is normal. And it’s also an invitation. Whether we’re raising actual children or tending to the child within, choosing gentleness is an act of profound self-love. One that says: What I didn’t receive then, I’m allowed to give now.

How Picturing Something Can Actually Help

If you’re new to visualisation—or a little sceptical—you’re not alone. Many people wonder: “How could simply imagining something make a real difference to how I feel?” But here’s the fascinating thing…

Your brain and body don’t always know the difference between real and imagined experience.

In neuroscience, this is known as “functional equivalence”—the idea that visualising an event activates similar neural pathways to actually experiencing it. This is why athletes mentally rehearse their routines before performing. The brain fires in the same patterns. Muscles prime. The body prepares.

And it works the same way with emotions.

Just as your nervous system can be triggered by imagining a fearful scenario (even if it hasn’t happened), it can also be soothed by imagining something safe, loving, or supportive.

That’s what we’re doing here. When you picture yourself returning to a childhood place with love and compassion, your body responds. Your breath slows. Your nervous system softens. You start to rewire your relationship to past experiences—not by erasing them, but by introducing a new presence into the memory: you.

Visualisation is a doorway. And like all doors in this book, you get to choose whether to step through.

The Inner Child Visualisation: Coming Home 🏡

1. Get comfortable. Take a deep breath. Let out a long sigh. Notice your body. Release any tension.

2. Picture your childhood home—whichever one you felt most connected to between the ages of 4–8.

3. Imagine walking through the house. What do the walls look like? Is the front door open or closed? What’s outside?

4. See your younger self somewhere inside. Are they watching TV? Playing? Sitting at the table?

5. Now—approach them. Gently. Offer a warm smile. Reach out your hand. Ask if you can sit beside them.

6. Let them know: “I see you. I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere.”

7. You don’t have to fix anything. Just be there. Tell them something cool about your life now. Maybe even say, “I’m so proud of you.”

8. When you’re ready, say goodbye with love. Hug them. Let them know you’ll visit again soon—and they can always reach out to you too.

💡 Find it hard to visualise by yourself? - You’re not alone.

Check out the clip below for a therapist-guided audio meditation from an early episode of the Oprah Winfrey show.

Aftercare: Integration & Embodiment

Take a few minutes afterwards to sit with what came up. These experiences can bring old feelings to the surface. You’re not broken. This is part of the healing spiral.

When you're ready, stand up. Shake your body gently—arms, legs, even a few jumping jacks or star jumps. Let your body know you're safe again. That it’s okay to move forward.

We can call this the ‘Theatre of the Self’—where movement, voice, and play become tools for transformation. You can literally shift your state by acting out a new one. Pretend you’re your future self. Pretend you’re healed. See what your body does.

Then, consider doing something kind for yourself—or for your inner child. Maybe a small treat you used to love. A snack. A walk barefoot in the park. Climb a tree, if you're feeling brave.

This isn’t just indulgence—it’s integration. Giving your inner child the thing they once needed (even if it’s an ice cream or a silly cartoon) is how you build trust between you and them. It’s reparenting in real-time.

✍️ This is the first in a recurring series of inner child journal reflection prompts:

• “What age was your inner child when they needed love the most? What was happening at that time—and what would you say to them now?”
  

• Bonus Prompt: “What does your inner child think of your life now? What would they be proud of? What would they want more of?”

References:

Tierney, A. L., & Nelson, C. A., 3rd (2009). Brain Development and the Role of Experience in the Early Years. Zero to three, 30(2), 9–13.

Roberts, J. W., Wakefield, C. J., & de Grosbois, J. P. (2024). Examining the Equivalence Between Imagery and Execution—Does Imagery Comprise the Intended Spatial Trajectory? Journal of Motor Behavior, 57(1), 31–42. https://doi.org/10.1080/00222895.2024.2406925